Am I still non-binary if I don’t want to change how I appear?

How do I know if I’m non-binary? Is it ok to be non-binary while not dysphoric about my current appearance and male presentation? I feel like I should be more androgynous, but that’s not how my body is.

Photo of a wooden drawing model being reflected on a mirror

Your gender doesn’t need to affect your personal appearance or how you feel about your body.

Although some non-binary (also called nb or enby) folks choose to dress and/or physically transition to have a more androgynous appearance, that’s not something you HAVE to do. That’s because there’s no single correct way to express any gender identity.

For some folks, being non-binary is not something they express through their appearance or behavior—rather, it’s a deeply personal and self-reflective experience.

So then, how do you know you’re non-binary? Well, there’s no easy answer. It’s important to note that “non-binary” is an umbrella term that refers to A LOT of very different gender identities. But generally speaking, nb folks don’t feel like their genders can be easily described as that of a man or a woman—in fact, some nb folks don’t identify with any gender at all. If you feel the same way, then it’s worth learning about the different non-binary identities out there.

And consider talking with other non-binary folks about their gender journeys—it can be helpful to hear the different ways folks realized they were nb and why they’ve decided to stick with certain forms of gender expression. You’ll likely come across a lot of nb folks who feel the same way as you. You can start by checking out these to learn more:

If you’d like to hash out these feelings further with someone who has had a similar experience, you can always call Trans Lifeline to talk.

—Jaime (they/them) at Trans Lifeline


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