Am I still non-binary if I don’t want to change how I appear?

How do I know if I’m non-binary? Is it ok to be non-binary while not dysphoric about my current appearance and male presentation? I feel like I should be more androgynous, but that’s not how my body is.

Your gender doesn’t need to affect your personal appearance or how you feel about your body.

Although some non-binary (also called NB or enby) folks choose to dress and/or physically transition to have a more androgynous appearance, that’s not something you HAVE to do. That’s because there’s no correct way to express gender identity.

For some folks, being non-binary is not something they express through their appearance or behavior—rather, it’s a deeply personal and self-reflective experience.

So then, how do you know you’re non-binary? Well, there’s no easy answer. It’s important to note that “non-binary” is an umbrella term that refers to A LOT of very different gender identities. But generally speaking, non-binary folks don’t feel like their genders can be easily described as that of a man or a woman—in fact, some non-binary folks don’t identify with any gender at all. If you feel the same way, then it’s worth learning about the different non-binary identities out there.

And consider talking with other non-binary folks about their gender journeys—it can be helpful to hear the different ways folks realized they were non-binary and why they’ve decided to stick with certain forms of gender expression. You’ll likely come across a lot of non-binary folks who feel the same way as you. You can start by checking out these to learn more:

• Support Group & Trans Community Resources
• 9 young people explain what being non-binary means to them
• Five nonbinary adults on finding the words — and the strength – to be themselves

If you’d like to hash out these feelings further with someone who has had a similar experience, you can always call Trans Lifeline to talk.

—Jaime (they/them) at Trans Lifeline